While the rest of my age bracket is overwhelmed by wholly useless activities like socializing or raising children, I like to spend my free time watching old “Looney Tunes” cartoons on Youtube. My sisters and I were raised on the Warner Bros. classics since exposure to them didn’t require my dad to shell out additional money to the cable service to get The Disney Channel (which was still a “premium” channel back in the 1980s). While our counterparts had Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, we had Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. While our counterparts’ parents had cable- and trips-to-the-Disney-company’s-overpriced-theme-parks-related debt, our parents had little to worry about aside from late fees issued to them in case we weren’t done with the latest VHS tape of Warner Bros. cartoons we had rented that week. I’d say we came out on top.
One of my visits to Youtube resulted in my viewing of the cartoon classic “One Froggy Evening.” For those of you unaware, the cartoon stars popular Warner Bros. staple Michigan J. Frog and details his relationship with a building demolition team member who locates him in the cornerstone of a building currently being torn down. Whenever the worker is alone with the frog, he belts out loud renditions of popular 1930s songs with remarkable talent (this is a trait rarely found in amphibians). However, when the worker attempts to cash in on the frog (or merely informs others of its abilities), the frog suddenly lapses into silence, emitting little more than a drawn-out “ribbit.” This ultimately drives the poor guy out of house and home and into a “psychopathic hospital.”
Those of you who remember watching this short probably thought the same thing I did: What does this have to do with Justin Bieber?
Yes, I do mean THAT Justin Bieber, popular culture’s latest offering who looks eerily like “My Girl” star Anna Chlumsky right around the time she starred in “Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain.” Lately, he appears to have replaced Miley Cyrus AND the Jonas Brothers in that all-too-important “shallow teenage girls whose interests change 15 times per day (one time for each IQ point they possess)” demographic. I listened to almost 1.2 seconds of one of Bieber’s songs; this extensive research led me to the logical conclusion that he cannot sing for shit. My farts are more melodious than his lyrics (and have deeper lyrics). The sound produced by a cat being run over by a riding mower would be more pleasant to the ears than any given Justin Bieber tune. Thus, we are forced to ask: how is he popular? WHY is he labeled as a popular musician when the powers that be know full well that this should be a term used to describe REAL musicians (i.e. Frank Sinatra, Aerosmith, William Shatner, my anus, etc.).
Then, with only the help of “One Froggy Evening” and some extra-strength Benadryl, I managed to figure it out.
Maybe, just maybe, Bieber IS a great singer…but only in front of the poor schlub who found him (in this case, Usher). In private, he is capable of belting out the finest rendition of “Hello My Baby” since, well, Michigan J. Frog. But once Usher attempts to cash in on him by showcasing his talents to others, he, like the frog, emits a drawn-out croak (or its musical equivalent “Never Say Never”) and nothing else.
Now, while this comparison of flash-in-the-pan music to half-century-year-old Warner Bros. cartoons might explain HOW Bieber got famous, it ceases to explain WHY. In the cartoon, people react negatively to Michigan J. Frog, as, in their eyes, he isn’t able to do more than ribbit. Why isn’t the same treatment bestowed upon Justin Bieber by audiences at large, rather than just by me and others with functioning brains? Are we able to chalk it up to the fact that audiences in the “One Froggy Evening” era simply had taste?
Whatever happens, I will close with this thought: “One Froggy Evening” ended with Michigan J. Frog being stuffed into a cigar box and placed inside the cornerstone of a new building, where he remained until the 2050s. Not that I’m suggesting anything to those of you living close to Bieber’s mansion and who have access to empty cigar boxes…
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